alex

today is my beloved friend alex nagler's birthday.  he would have been 33 today had he not passed through the transformation we call death, into the spiritual world. 

this journey that i am on right now, traveling across the huge united states of america would not be happening if he were still alive.  if he were still here i would still be in berlin living my berlin life, with him.  i would be spending time in steyr, austria, where he was born and i would be planning the future we had wanted together. 

but things totally changed when he transitioned.  at first i thought i would continue living in berlin, i thought i could still enjoy doing what i had been doing there, my shop, my band, my friends, my life....... but after a few months passed i realized that it was impossible. berlin is so full of history for me.  i had 3 major relationships during my 17 years of living in berlin and each relationship ended more dramatically then the last.  there are so many intense memories every where i go in that city and the weight of these memories and experiences was hard to handle at times and so i realized that it was time to move on, move forward and away.  time to get back to my roots, back to my blood lines, my earlier memories and reconnect with my past before europe.

i have mixed feelings as i sit here in starbucks (only here for the wifi) and remember the last three march 31st where i celebrated alex birthday, two with him, and one last year for him. i only knew alex for a short time and so only celebrated three birthdays with him, but i heard stories of earlier years where alex birthday-bash was announced on the radio in austria and 300 people showed up and the party went on for days, or the year that all the couches in the club house where dragged out into the yard and lit on fire and the year that the dj's music was aired live on FM4 radio... 

alex knew how to party and he loved to celebrate his birthday in a big way!!!  

i am sure many people in austria and germany remember these birthday-bash celebrations with great joy, and now with sadness like i do. i am filled with sadness because these birthday parties will never happen again like they did - but this day will always be a special day because it's the day alex came into this world to grace us with his presence.  it will always be bitter-sweet......happy and sad.......dark and light......

i know that everything happens for a reason and i do not believe in accidents so i know deep in my heart that everything, as it is, is perfect.  alex would want me to follow my impulse to move back to my homeland.  he would support me in following my heart to meet a new partner who i can spend my life with and perhaps someday start a family with.  he is supporting me in all that i do. he is walking with me as i move along my new path and i am thankful for the his loving support. 

rapidan, virginia

i am sitting here at my godmother skye's house in a big field in rapidan, virginia. she lives at the end of a dirt road. its quiet here and beautiful.  i can only hear the sounds of the frogs singing down by the river and the sounds of the cows in the field chewing and mooing.  it's peaceful and calming.

the house

the dirt road

rapidan river with beaver tree

beautiful spring days

full moon over cows

-----------------------------

my god-mother has always had special animal friends who live with her.  these are the two friends she has now.

tian jundong

treasure the magic service dog

these animals are sweet and very intelligent, they protect skye and keep her company.  i got to snuggle with tian in this amazing comfy bed!

the empress bed

------------------------------

my god-mother skye paints spiritually inspired paintings of angels and heavenly themes. her house is full of beautiful colorful blessings.  here are just a few,

illumination

angel dances

sun angel

please visit skye's website at www.kmartinkuri.com, to see more angel paintings and read about who she is and what she does.  she is wonderful!!

----------------------

the tiny town of rapidan is so small that if you blink you might miss it!

rapidan road

locust grove road 

the old caboose

the old station

                   

the general store

one sunday we went to this sweet little church and met and prayed together with some friendly virginian folk.

the episcopal church

                    inside gods house

i have been here at my dear god-mothers house in rapidan for 3 1/2 weeks and its been a good time.  

i have enjoyed going out in the mornings with my headphones and my sneakers on to go singing and dancing down the dirt road, to the astonishment of the cows!  i have enjoyed sitting on the front porch with skye listening to her interesting stories of her earth life and her spiritual life. i am glad i was able to help her get some things done here on her homestead.  i enjoyed cooking up yummy healthy food and using skye's juicer to make carrot juice....aaahh, it was a great visit full of lots of work and lots of play and i am sure i will be back some day!

angel of the garden

                             

my home on wheels!!!

 my new home!!

after searching the web a lot and almost loosing faith that i would find what i really wanted, i finally found this beautiful  'pleasure way' class b dodge van conversion motor home. she is in mint condition and exactly what i wanted!!

i was still in nyc when i found the add on ebay classifieds and even though there was only one foto of the outside and none of the inside and it was more then i wanted to pay,  i still felt i should call and just see what the person on the other end of the line sounded like and what they had to say about the deal. in the add it was also stated that they were in virginia which is where i was headed to spend time with my god-mother after leaving new york, so it made sense to check it out. and i am so glad i did!!

evelyn bought this beautiful vehicle new in 1998 and has been the only owner since then. she and her friend judy have taken many long adventurous trips in this camper-van and she took really really good care of it. when we met for the first and only viewing i organized that we meet at a good motor home auto repair shop and payed to have a guy do a total look over of the motor and underneath and all the rest. everything (except getting the ball bearings packed, which is not a big thing to have done) was perfect. completely ready for the road! 

everything on the inside had been checked the day before and evelyn had proof to show me that everything was in working order. the stove, the fridg, the toilet and shower, the sink, the electric ect..  

it felt great when i sat behind the wheel and did a quick test drive down the highway.

i told evelyn i would sleep on it and call her in a day or two. i called her the next day because i was sure.

yesterday we met and did the deal and now i am the proud owner of my very first home on wheels!

 taking off the old plates

putting on the new plates

                              the cockpit

two twin beds at the back 

                                                                                         OR

                                                                                         one big double bed

                                                           

from back to front

sink and stove

toilet with shower                                                                           

learning what's where

judy and evelyn,  great gals!!

so now i am moving in, putting the things i sent here from berlin into this cozy little home and getting settled and ready for the big trip across the country. my mom is joining me so we are going to fill this place up pretty quick, but i am amazed at how much stuff i can actually fit into this place. its great!

in my family we always name our cars. so far the ideas are--- lilith, dusty rose, mary, treehouse uterus or whitey 77  (because the license plate is WYT 3452), mighty whitey or the white dragon II.  my mom and god-mother have been trying to help but to no avail. i think i need to drive her a bit more and i am sure she will tell me what her name is. she is definitely a female vehicle.

i am really looking forward to getting on the road and lot of this kind of views!!

 straight into the lovelight!!

here is berlin in new york

my dear friend klaus wrote a book called 'here is berlin' and the other night in nyc we celebrated the opening of the english version! it was a great success! there were lots of people there who have a berlin connection of some sort or other and i was happy to meet them and was excited to have the opportunity to speak german again. it was strange to notice that only after 3 weeks of not speaking german my mouth felt rusty forming the german words. that made me scared because i really don't want to loose it. i will have to call my friends in germany a lot so as to keep fluent.

its also strange speaking english as well because often the words fail me and i feel like there are holes in my brain as i try to make a sentence. its very odd, and hopefully normal. i have been speaking german more then english in my daily life in berlin and switching back to english is proving to be a challenge.

the book 'here is berlin' is an essay on the new berlin and it brought tears to my eyes as i looked at the photos of berlin that were shown in a slideshow before the reading began. i do love berlin and my life there, my friends and people who have really become family to me. berlin has a magic about it that no other city has. its very mysterious yet also so very very clear with its different styles and scenes. i love berlin and always will. the evening with klaus and his book made me realize again just how much i love that city.
visit here to find out more about the book :  www.hereisberlin.com

tommy wiesbecker house

 brandenburger gate

 i heart berlin

tempelhofer field gardens

warschauer bridge

the spree towards alexander platz

 kreuzberg

mehrringdamm/york strasse

 sausage stop

 a corner in neuköln

arriving in  new york city was quite a shock at first because new york has such a different energy then berlin does.  new york is fast and intense, there are tons of people in new york city and they are all in a big hurry. its rush rush rush. even when i was just sitting calmly at my friend prairie rose's house i could feel the buzz of the city all around me. 

times square

wild woman in the window

the flat iron building

 view from the brooklyn bridge

parking

 on the high line

 my personal door

 empire state building

and this picture pretty much sums it all up. 

i am loving where ever i am. be it berlin or new york city or where ever the next stop is...........

love light leads me there!